TORN_A Rockstar Romance Read online

  But there was that rasp against my lips where his stubble had bruised me to remind me very forcefully that it had .

  I could hear voices far off down in the west wing, but I was otherwise alone in the kitchen. A basket of fresh fruit dominated the island, a gift from my brother's label. I felt perfectly within my rights to snag a waxy looking apple. I needed the vitamins for this hangover .

  As I pressed my lips to the cool flesh, I paused. I brushed them once more against the taut skin, letting my tongue flick out, exploring ...

  Then I let out a short, astonished laugh. "Really, Tally?" I said to the empty kitchen .

  It was too ridiculous for words to think that the simple act of pressing my lips to an apple could make me think of kissing Hudson .

  But the throbbing in my core was not ridiculous at all .

  I set the apple down with a frustrated moan, and went in search of less sexually exciting fruit .

  I'd told Bernard, my last boyfriend, that I didn't like kissing. Mushing mouths together, the slimy feel of tongues, the taste of someone else's lunch lingering on your palate. Ugh, gag me , I'd insisted to Bernard .

  I also insisted that it meant nothing, that we could go on dating without engaging in such a nauseating activity .

  As I rifled past bananas (too phallic) and peaches (too squeezable) to grab a safe-seeming orange, I chuckled. Turned out I really liked kissing after all .

  I liked kissing Hudson .

  Hudson's kiss had left me breathless and giddy, and anyone who looked at me afterward might figure me for freshly shagged .

  I mean, as far as I knew .

  I brushed my fingers up to my lips, feeling the stickiness of orange juice lingering there. Oh god, were oranges off-limits now too ?

  So, okay, he was leaving today. At least I might soon be able to enjoy fruit again without fear of spontaneous orgasm. But he'd also leave me with some important knowledge. I now knew for sure that I liked kissing. Kissing done right, of course. After I told Hudson goodbye - chastely and with no stolen glances - I would go back to university and find myself a proper gentleman. I'd find some bloke with a delicate, pale body, and floppy hair who wrote poetry in a leather-bound journal. Someone who I could boss around a little, who took direction well .

  Then I would teach him to kiss me the way Hudson did .

  I nodded decisively. Right. Good plan. All the benefit of Hudson. None of the risk of Hudson .

  Stop thinking about Hudson, I screamed at myself. But I couldn't. He was leaving today and there had been so much promise in that kiss. So much more that I'd never known I wanted until I was about to let it slip away. He was leaving today ...

  I wanted him to stay .

  I wanted ...

  More.

  And then, as if my racing subconscious somehow managed to develop telekinetic powers, Hudson appeared in the kitchen like he'd suddenly teleported through the wall .

  "Oh," I said, stunning myself with my intellect. In the morning light he was even more glorious, all the more so because he wasn't wearing a shirt .

  He wasn't wearing a shirt very, very well .

  "Oh," he echoed, with a soft smile that would have been mocking if he were anyone else in the world except him. "Sorry," he said, and produced a white T-shirt from out of nowhere, and to my ever-lasting sorrow, he yanked it over his head .

  At the sound of his voice, my fingers flew to my sticky lips again. They were tingling like crazy, like some kind f proximity alarm. Alert. Good kisser in the area .

  Of course, because I cannot be subtle, even if my life depended on it - which right at this moment it felt like it did - the motion of my hand caught his attention. He immediately locked his blue eyes onto my lips and let them linger there for a long, long moment. I froze, like his eyes and my lips were caught in a staring contest. I froze. And I waited .

  But if he had any thoughts about my lips and what they'd done with his last night, he didn't say them .

  Of course not .

  That cool, unflappable smile, perfectly polite and perfectly in control, just curled up in an easy, comfortable curve .

  At that, my heart started hammering in my chest, so loud I could hear it in my ears. I wanted to lash out with frustration, shake him. Don't you know what you do to me? Are you driving me mad on purpose ?

  Go away !

  "Mornin' Lulu ."

  I blinked. All the questions that I'd been contemplating flinging at him suddenly dissolved and only one remained. "Why do you call me that?" I blurted .

  He reached out and snagged an apple. The very apple I had pressed my lips to. When he took a bite, I felt a shiver run through me that had my toes curling against the floor. "I think it suits you," he said .

  "Why not call me Tally, like Niall and everyone else ?"

  And then I paused and looked at him, sudden understanding flooding me .

  He didn't want to call me what Niall called me. And I didn't want him to either. I wanted something ...

  Just for him .

  But that was dangerous .

  "How about you just call me my name?" I asked him .

  "Tallula." I loved the way it sounded in his mouth. Slow. Like he was tasting it. "All right, Tallula." He grinned. "I can do that. It is a pretty name. Pretty as you are ."

  "Hudson," I warned. You can't call me pretty. You need to stop making me feel pretty. Before I need you to make me feel this way all the time .

  He raised an eyebrow. "Tallula ?"

  I shook my head a little, unsure anymore of even what I was trying to say. He was leaving .

  He shrugged and took another bite of his apple, then made to walk out of the kitchen .

  I didn't like that he was walking away. He was leaving... but not yet. "Hudson?" I repeated, following after him. "You're leaving today, right ?"

  He turned and went to grab banana from the basket. "That's what they tell me ."

  "Are you... You looking forward to going out on the road?" What was I asking? Why did I care? Do you want to leave? I should have asked. Because I don't want you to .

  He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. "I love playing music," he said evasively. Not answering the question. I wasn't sure I wanted him to either. Because if he said he wanted to leave, that would mean he wanted to leave me .

  And I wanted him to stay here as long as he could. With me .

  "There's a pond on the estate, did you know that?" I blurted .

  My outburst didn't faze him. He was as unflappable as always, but there was a keen light in his eyes. "Sounds nice," he said neutrally .

  "Right." I was nodded way too fast and had to forcibly slow my bobbing head. "I've been walking down there in the mornings since I've been here." I pinched my side. "Trying to lose a few inches and all ."

  "Don't you dare," he growled softly .

  "I'm sorry ?"

  "You don't need to lose anything. You've never looked better to me ."

  I ducked my head. "Right so, you might want to get a dose of sunshine, yeah? Before Scandinavia ?"

  Hudson nodded. "I could definitely use it. I love this weather. Wasn't expecting it here in England, I've got to say ."

  I laughed. "It's going to rain as soon as you leave." The sun had been shining since he touched down on English soil. And tomorrow the forecast was for clouds .

  He nodded. "Let's go out in it now then ."

  As I stepped out of the main house in my sloppy T-shirt and a pair of too-tight yoga pants, I felt like the fucking Queen herself to have Hudson strolling at my side. We were walking. Just walking, that's all, but it was prolonging that giddy feeling in my stomach. It was making my blood sing for just a little while longer. That's all I wanted ....

&nbs
p; That wasn't all I wanted, but it was all I should have .

  We walked in silence, the only sound the twittering of birds in the hedges. A puff of smoke from the village below us curled lazily into the sky and I took a deep breath of the sun-warmed air. His boots made a soft swishing sound through the manicured lawn. The pond was out in the moorish section of the property, down below an ancient stand of trees. We stepped onto the long grasses, still bent from winter, turning golden in the sunlight and I turned back to see that the house had nearly disappeared from our sight. We were as alone as two people could get on an estate that employed fifteen people full-time .

  The thought made my blood shimmer .

  Ahead through the row of carefully tended trees, I could see the sun winking sparks off the surface of the pond. I remembered what I'd thought of Hudson - how he was like the mirrored surface of the water - and glanced up at him .

  I couldn't see any thoughts betrayed on his face. His shoulders were broad and his hands swung easily at his side as he clipped his gait to match my shorter stride. Everything about him radiated comfort and ease .

  Except the small pulse at his temple .

  At first I thought I was imagining things but no. There it was, a silent, stealthy betrayal. And suddenly I knew without a doubt that I wasn't imagining things, that kissing him had meant as much to him as it had to me and ...

  I whirled and stopped, pressing a hand to his arm. "Hudson ."

  He looked down at my hand. Waiting. Watching .

  He wasn't going to make the first move .

  It was up to me to ...

  "Could you?" My fingers went to my lips again. His eyes widened slightly and he let them linger there, watching me trace the shape of his kisses against my mouth. "Before you go..." I added, nonsensically .

  But he understood. "Kiss you?" he supplied .

  "Before you go," I repeated .

  "I could," he drawled, his voice all husk and hunger. "I could kiss you so we'd never want to stop. But Tallula ..."

  I stared up at him. I was frantic for something I didn't understand. "I want you ."

  At that he let out a low, slow groan, the noise of an animal caught in a snare .

  "Just kiss me," I begged again. "Before you go. One more time. One last time ."

  "Last time?" he breathed. It sounded like he wasn't sure of himself. Like he was reminding us both, that this was it. No more transgressing. No more sneaking around and hiding in the shadows and rushing off for furtive strolls by the pond. "Last time," he repeated, warning me .

  I nodded. "Last time. Yes, because we can't ..."

  But his mouth was on mine then, kissing me so hard I couldn't say any more .

  Chapter Fifteen

  Hudson

  L ast time.

  Her words made me desperate .

  I kissed her and her tongue slid against mine, already so much more confident than last night's rushed, breathless panic. She slung her arms around my neck and brought her body against mine, sure of what she wanted at last. I let her direct me as long as I could before cupping her face in my hands. I could feel her smile curving against my lips as I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her, spinning her until her back was up against one of those old, twisted trees. The only sounds in my ears were her little desperate moans mixing with the sound of birdsong and the lazy buzz of insects .

  "Last time." I might have said it, or maybe it was her, I wasn't sure. We were both disappearing into the panic of it. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her to me, pressing into her, the whole length of her body against mine. She let out a small, hitching cry as I shoved the shoulder of her T-shirt to the side and sank my teeth into her silky skin. It was very likely that I was being too rough, that I was going to leave a mark on her but if this moment was all we could have, then I had every intention of making her remember me after I was gone .

  Her hands slid up my chest, searching. She tore her lips from mine and darted a hurried glance up the hillside. "They can't see us," she murmured, like she was reassuring herself, and I held off for a second, waiting to see what she'd do next .

  What she did was slide her hands under my shirt. I obliged her by tearing it off over my head and was rewarded by her awestruck glance when she saw my naked skin underneath. "I'm gonna remember that," I told her. "The way you looked at me. And I want you to remember this." I slipped my hand up under her shirt, brushing my hand across her breast. "No bra, you bad little girl ."

  Her lips parted as my thumb brush across her stiffening nipple. "I didn't do it on purpose ."

  "Of course you didn't. You have no idea how fucking sexy you are. And that's what kills me ."

  "I'm not sexy ."

  "You are so sexy and I'm gonna show you what I mean ."

  I pressed her tighter against the tree and used my knee to wedge her thighs apart. She groaned as I pressed up into her blissful heat. "Yeah, I can feel how hot you are, Tallula. You're almost burning me up. If that's not fucking sexy, I don't know what is ."

  "Do it, ah! Again !"

  She threw her head back and then let it loll forward against my chest. I bent my lips to her hear, whispering encouragement. "You like that?" I asked, feeling her squirm. "Oh fuck, yeah do that again, just grind against me." My breath was coming faster now. "Use it. We're dancing again, aren't we? This is what I wanted to do to you on the dance floor, right in front of your brother and all your stuck up relatives. I wanted you getting off on me ."

  "Hudson." Her eyelids fluttered, and her eyes rolled back .

  Fuck she was close already and all we'd done was dry hump like a couple of fucking teenagers. "You want more?" I asked her, pressing up into her tighter .

  Her little anguished, gritting cry would be fodder for all of the lonely nights on the road ahead. Quick as anything, I had her skintight pants yanked down below her hips. There was no time to admire the way the lace of her clearly expensive panties looked against her milky, perfect skin, because I had her where I'd wanted her for so long .

  Begging for it .

  That first slide of my fingers into that slick heat nearly made me explode, but I held back, and began to move my fingers, idly testing, Whenever she gasped, I stayed there, moving in tight, heated circles. "Are you going to come for me? Am I going to get to remember your face as you come when I'm lying in some hotel room three thousand miles away? Yes, let me have that, Tallula. I need to see what you look like when you lose control ."

  She went up on her toes, her whole body heaving, and at that moment I slid my finger inside of her. Her body jolted and even as I wanted to tell her how tight and perfect she was, her pussy clenched around my finger and she let out a strangled scream, then fell forward against my shoulder, sounding like she was crying and laughing and screaming at the same time .

  It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard in my fucking life .

  And I wanted more .

  I pulled her closer, spinning her around and down to lie over her on the grass. My cock was throbbing so hard I thought I might pass out from lack of blood flow to the brain, but I had enough sense to tell her "Hang on baby, let me wrap up ."

  She exhaled in relief. "You have a condom ?"

  I winced. "Yeah, in my wallet. It's older than anything. Might be older than you, sweet thing ."

  She opened her eyes long enough to smack me in the arm. "Arse. Then what are you waiting for ?"

  I reached into my wallet and pulled out the battered looking foil packet, then raised my eyebrow at her. "I'm waiting for you to tell me. Tell me, baby. Tell me what I need to hear ."

  She nodded immediately. "Yes," she almost screamed. Her eyelids were still flutter
ing gently, her body still convulsing .

  Heart pounding, I pulled down my jeans and wrapped up, a little voice in my head reminding me to hurry, that we didn't have enough time. And I hated it. I wanted to see her coming again and again, I wanted to spend all night with her in a soft bed, memorizing the sound of her orgasms and writing songs in the same key .

  Not lying down in the dirt. She deserved more than this .

  But it was the last time, and we both knew we might not have a chance again .

  I pressed the head of my cock against her, testing her wetness, sliding through her folds to make her eyelids flutter again. Then I pressed against her entrance .

  Her green eyes flew open like she wanted to say something .

  I paused .

  She took a deep breath. "Yes," she said again .

  I eased into her, slow, inch by aching inch. She squirmed a little and I felt a small resistance inside of her .

  I pulled back in a second. "Tallula ?"

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tallula

  I couldn't help it. At that first burning stretch of him inside of me, I hissed, wincing, but in the next moment, the burning had turned into the most incredible heat .

  He'd frozen in place, looking down at me. I wiggled, desperate, ready to ignore all of the pain they said this would cause. "Don't stop," I almost begged him .

  He narrowed his eyes at the same time his lips parted in shock. "Tallula." He said my name so slow, rolling it around in his mouth like he was tasting it even as it sounded just like a warning. "Baby, are you a virgin ?"

  He was half inside of me now, and I could feel him trembling with the effort of holding back. I wiggled again, frustrated, half out of my mind with the need for him to do it. Just do it. "Is that a problem?" I said, more archly than I needed to, but then again, he was driving me out of my mind .

  He hissed, ducking his head to avoid my gaze. "Fuck," he sighed into the wind .